when i tell people that i’m just tired, i really mean it, just not in the context they think i’m speaking of. i am genuinely tired. i am tired of never being enough for ANYONE, i’m tired of being the friend that laughs too much or jokes too much or is too serious or isn’t pretty enough, i’m tired of coming home every night alone because i’m not a good enough girl to actually be with…. as in have an actual relationship with. i’m tired of taking these things out on myself physically and mentally and i’m tired of the scars but i won’t stop. i’m addicted. i don’t want to be this person anymore. why doesn’t anyone get it. i want to be Emily again. the Emily i used to be. happy and outgoing and confident, but i just can’t. i honestly feel like there’s no point anymore. but i’ll just continue living for no reason at all. i”l continue to drink it away and smoke it away and take the pain pills to make it go away but then that wares off and i’m stuck here again, the place that i hate being in, the place where i have to look at myself and deal with myself and face the fact that THIS shit hole is my life and that no matter what i do i can’t change it. i just wanna know when this happened….